Sharing

I just came across this article forwarded by my friend in the email and it seems to answer my questions all this while in my mind. Hope it gives some hints for you too in deciding your lifetime partner.

FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER by Dov Heller, M.A.

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, none wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married,they'll say: 'We're in love'; I believe this is the ..1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound 'not politically correct', there's a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: 'You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone'; You need a lot more!!!Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious aboutfinding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2)you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart.To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life!Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person? This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust i.e.. trust that I won't get 'punished'; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest withyourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch? A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as 'someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ';. So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people? The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self' absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxidrivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to 'improve' them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: 'You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse' If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous.The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating;to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself trouble because you didn't do your homework. Another perspective...There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible,not going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention...Which ones lift and which ones lean?Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are goingdownhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones dont appreciate you? Which ones make you feel good, praises you, boosts you with loving and caring words or annotations. The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

An African proverb states, 'Before you get married, keep both eyes open,and after you marry, close one eye'; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity,ignorance, pressure from others or a low self esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important. Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete,compare and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self esteem, spiritual discernment, and 'a life'; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happinessor responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:
1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes,etc.)
7. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND
8. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
9.GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT 10. CONCERN AND CARE FOR YOUR LOVER IN YOUR OWN WAYS.

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace.

Stress less

I want to share some tips here on how to loosen yourself from stress. For me, they are quite helpful sometimes (I got this from a postcard in school) and I always have it pasting on in front of my desk. The concepts you have in your mind are very important as they correlate to your actions taken and emotions expressed.



1. Accept the things you can't change

2. Find opportunity in life's challenge

3. Focus on the present

4. Set yourself realistic goals

5. Be active, eat and rest well

6. Relax with a cup of tea

7. Use humour to see things differently

8. Develop supportive relationship

9. Not 5 positive things each day

10. Give someone a helping hand



and lastly, tell yourself: I had a stressful day today, BUT I'm determined to think of 5 positive things! Life is short. Don't let any challenge beat you down! Gambate, everyone!! Cheers~

Relieved...

Last few months ago until today, I have been on project in molecular lab and it actually makes me feel stressed all the while. Stressed as in I am new to molecular experiments, I have expectation for myself to do well in lab since I have lab experiences before, I don't want to disappoint my supervisors as they are too nice and helpful to me. And today, I finally passed up my report. Hooray! I suddenly feel so released though there is another presentation coming soon.

It is only 3-4 months placement in the lab but I do learn a lot of things and I think they are beneficial to me for my future career. I really feel grateful to my supervisors. I like their way of teaching and they are just so so patient to me all the time. I think I am really lucky to have them. They are just so helpful whenever I face problem, be it in experiments or writing the report.

Sometimes I have to admit that most of the lecturers I met here are more humble than my previous lecturers in Malaysia. They are more open in discussion with students as in they listen and accept your opinion. Sometimes, they would just talk to you as a friend. So friendly and no haught manner at all. Not to forget to mention about another staff in lab, she is so so nice and helpful as well when my supervisor was not around. She is also one of postgraduate reseach fellows but she is not arrogant at all that she always put a smile on her face that makes you feel so comfortable talking to her. She is really lovely. I like her.

I feel great meeting all these people. If I have a chance to be a lecturer, I think I would set them as my example.

Nice hotpot housemate dinner

The other day, when everybody was in the kitchen preparing for own dinner, Stehphanie suddenly popped out of her room and said:" hey, let's do something together! Whatever...just before everybody starts busy with exams and before Susanna going back for two weeks." She was so enthusiatic and yeah, may be we could have feast again together since studying life is getting more tensed with heaps of assignments recently. So yesterday, we had steamboat, so called hotpot here, for diner.




Instead of hot-pot, we used rice cooker as a hot-pot (but it was much slower of course). Afterall, that's all what we have. We had two different flavor of soup; spicy and non-spicy. This time we have a guest to join our house gathering, Yi-Fen's friend, Loghan. Loghan was actually not late but we just couldn't help ourselves to start the dinner first! Haha~You know, after a long day in school, everyone was so hungry. Poor Loghan, he had no choice but to sit in between me and Stehpanie, the biggest eaters in the house. Haha~ We didn't know he is actually Hindu who can't eat beef, but he was too shy to voice out and only chose veggie and fish balls to eat until we saw him slowly picked out all the beef pieces sticking on the food. Poor thing~~We felt so sorry to him and decided to make him a new chicken stalked soup. So it was happy ending that everyone happily enjoyed the food. LOL~






The dinner had never been quiet with our laughter all night. One word- FUN! I'm glad I have such a group of wonderful housemates though Susanna and Selina always like to tease me ;P. Stephanie asked me, "Will you miss Australia when you are back?" I said, "Besides the weather here, I will definitely miss the housemates in SUV8105!"

Happy Mother's Day

After reading Susana's blog about her mother, naturally, I reminisce my every moments with my mother in the past too.

Talking about my mother, the first two words that come to my mind to describe her are tough yet kind-hearted. Tough as in she, a widow and the only breadwinner with only Form one level of education, managed to bring four children up all by herself. She faced many obstacles in life but she was smart, tough and determined enough to sail through them. Bringing along with the children, nothing could put her down but making her to become tougher and standing firm to protect her children no matter how many catastrophes we had gone through (no joke, we really had gone through fire, flood, twister and poverty). I would not be here anymore if it was not her who sacrificed herself, dashed into the flames to save me out of fire when I was eight. A very serious fire that engulfed eight families' homes and every bit of it still deeply ingrain in my mind.

We were not rich but a fire caused us even poorer. My mother had to work even harder to gain enough for living and our educations. She was a taylor and as she was good in cooking, she had slowly become an "indirect" food hawker for school children. Well, she used to pack our lunch to school and once in a while, we would share food with our good friends in school and they loved her cookings. Slowly, sharing had become food ordering from them! Sooner, more and more students (even teachers) started to order lunch from my mother until school canteen owner started to complain about it. Amazing, right? Haha...

Other than being tough enough, on the other side, she was a very kind-and-soft-hearted woman. She loved kids and kids loved her too! She was a nanny-mother for my neighbour's children and they used to call her mom as well. Whenever my neighbour (who was a minimarket shopkeeper) was busy, she would cook for the family and the children. She was just so helpful and kind to people. I still remember there was always an old lady who had slight mental problem with no children come to our house for a nap on the floor. She dared not to go other houses (where most people would not ler her step into their house) but only to ours just because my mother was too kind to let her do so. That old lady was smelly and we, children did not like her much and always complaint about it. My mother always patiently taught us not to forget how people help us whenever we had difficulties and we must always remember we should help others as well whenever we can. That was her, always be so kind and nice to people.

We had a very strong bond with her. She was our great mother and a good friend as well to share our happiness and problems. At times, she could be strict in training us to do housechores which we always complaint about but we appreciate it when we grow older as we know we are more independent than others. I am the youngest in the house and I was the only one who sticked to my mother most of the time at home. So I used to be very very close to my mother just like sisters. Like what Susana said, we used to chat on bed till morning most of the time. I was the most talkative one at home. The first thing I usually did after school was talking in front of her while she was sewing. I could spent one two hours talking all about my friends and teachers in school. Sometimes, when I noticed she just keeping quiet while I talked, I would act like a spoiled child and said," Do you really pay attention to what I'm talking about??" Then she would quickly comfort me and said in mandarin," 有啦，有啦！" LOL~

I remember during my rebellion period, I started to argue with my mother. Once, I refused to talk to her for quite some time until she secretly cried at night and felt so upset because of this. Think about it, I really was a bad daughter to hurt my mother so much. I feel very bad and sorry about this until now. I am sorry, mom and I know it is too late to say all these.

It has never been an end talking about my mother. There were too many stories in between us, be it happy or sad. I am always glad and proud of having such a wonderful mother but it is pitiful that I don't have the chance to show filial piety to her anymore. Deep from my heart, I respect her much and I will remember every words she taught me for life. That is the most valuable thing she gave me. Mom, we promised that we will be tough as you and we want to let you know we will always live our life meaningfully and successfully with happiness and that is the best gift we can give you. We love you, mom! Happy Mother's Day~

Great night outing

Last few days, I received Ellaine's (my coursemate) email suggesting that we, all coursemates, should have at least an outing or sort of gathering before graduating. Yeah, I absolutely agreed with her as so far, there is actually not much outdoor interaction among us. So in the end, we decided to go for a drinks and most importantly, for something which is new to us - CRAB RACING, in a bar at Court House Hotel located at Newtown. For the word itself, you should know what it is all about but stupid me, I thought it is a crab eating competition! That is why I am so much interested to join. Haha~


After a long day with lab works and lecture, I just couldn't wait to have fun for tonight! This was my first time to the bar/pub in Australia. All the while, I imagine the bars here are complicated and doggy places with all kind of weird people and drunkers. Surprisingly, it was totally out of my expectation. The bar we went was not as doggy as I thought. It has very nice and relaxing ambient for dinner and at the same time, it has a section where people can have beers and liquors. Looking around the bar, it was almost full house. Indeed, it is actually a nice place to hang out and have drinks with friends.





Unfortunately, we just realised that the crab racing has actually been rescheduled to every Wednesday from February onwards. However, they provided games which everybody enjoyed much, eg, giant connect 4 and giant janga. In between, we had game competitions with the people in the bar. For sure, you will definitely get a free schooner of beer regardless of you win or not.


Everybody just kept laughing, drinking and having fun all night! Yeah, we had so so so much fun for the first time gathering like this! What a waste if we just graduate without such activities together! And, I am looking forward to the next gathering to be. Hopefully more coursemates are going to join us! It really was a good opportunity to get us closer and talk to those who we hardly get a chance to talk to in the lecture.



Gosh, I think I really have too much beers, think about it, I guess I had total 6 big schooner of beers and cocktails! My friends were just too excited to join every competition and we ended up "drown" in the beers together LOL~ My mind started singing the song ~今天不回家~~


Okay, time to sleep and bet I am going to sleep soundly tonight with my brain completely shut down till morning~ Goodnight and it was indeed a nice and fun night outing! All this credit to Ellaine!

Hello!

This is my new blog site. Before that, I used to write a blog in window space but I have problem to upload a song for it (btw, does anyone know how to do it on space?). Hence, Susanna recommended this website to me. I like to read her blog. They are funny and so much cheerful than mine.

I remember my very first blog was in friendster. However, that was the one and the only one blog in friendster until I started my blog journey in space. I am not good in writing and that is why I hardly wrote a blog in the past. Well, I believe peer pressure plays a role in influencing me to start writing more. My cousin, cousin-in-law and friends all have their own blog and how can I not have even one?? Haha....kia su ;P Since then, I tried to write once in a while, then once in a month and until recently, I wrote a few in a week! At the beginning, I only wrote a blog when I was down and bad in mood. And again, peer pressure plays a role ;). I starts to write something more cheerful and happy to share, just like what Susanna does. Thanks to her to spark my mood in writing blog more often. She really is a good housemate and companion at home that she is fun and cheerful to be with!

Here is the starting point, and I hope it will become a good source to share my life, be it happy, sad or funny with everyone I know in future. Cheers!